This is Gallifrey, our Childhood, our Home
by Meggido
Summary: Before there was the Doctor, there was a boy called Theta-Sigma. This is his story - but not only. [As faithful to canon as possible, with some interpretations regarding relationships because I can. Expect a lot of Thoschei]
1. Chapter 1 - The escape

It seemed like they were all chanting while marching for battle, that from their lungs came a song to carry them further and further. They would all be dead by dawn, however strong and entranced they were, because the President would never allow them to live. He knew very little about the outside world but one thing was for sure : there wasn't a single planet in this universe where treason was regarded as something worth honouring someone.

The battle was raging. He could see it in a distance, see the flames and the blood, hear the cries of those who would lose their lives for an ideal that would never be reached. He had no choice but to run away, run as far as he could and never stop, for soon the guards would be coming after him to bring him down.

It was not a time for regrets. He didn't regret a single second that he spent fighting and running, he didn't regret the hiding, the lying, the mistaking. Raising his chin, his hands on his jacket's lapel, he looked down on the land he used to love and despise at the same time – this land poisoned by corruption, by contempt and coldness. There was a dream, a dream that they could change it, make it a better place. All gone, now. The President's army would decimate the rebels and leave them no choice but to surrender. Maybe someone else would be elected but they wouldn't be any better. It was a battle already lost a long time ago.

But this was Gallifrey, his childhood, his home.

Gallifrey burning in the flames of a war – not the first, probably not the last. Gallifrey falling a little deeper every time, every time that some young man with high ambitions would want to change the world and fail. The worst was yet to come and he knew it, deep inside his soul, he knew that there were darker times ahead, and yet he couldn't even picture his hearts beating louder, his eyes being filled with more tears.

He had to go. The signet ring had done its job and opened the ship, Arkytior was already inside, safe and sound. Soon, the President's army would trace his location and he would be killed, imprisoned – or worse. But he couldn't take off, not quite yet, not when there was still the slightest chance... The slightest chance that his friend, his best friend, the one person he would always forgive, always trust, the one person he would never, ever lie to, that the fool who led this rebellion to this terrible climax would show up.

He could remember their last conversation, when they were sitting close to the fire in the barn where he had chosen to hide. Just the two of them, for the first time in a very long time, shoulder against shoulder, hands almost touching, whispering about the future. How they would reach the repair workshop, how they would find their way to a TT capsule, how they would then take off to discover the universe – together. Oh, how his hearts had beaten when the other agreed. Hearing Koschei say yes, say that he would come along, it was a childhood dream come true. To see the stars with him, to go and wild adventures before coming back to the ship and discuss about silly philosophical questions, to fight about the vainest thing, to forgive the other, to go again...

The sound of footsteps approaching made him almost jump out of hope and excitement but instead of his friend's delicate silhouette, it was the much taller and more impressive one of the last person he wanted to meet here. Glaring at him above his half-moon spectacles, hands crossed behind his back, the President's Lord Burner approached, as silent as ever. He had meant for his footsteps to be heard, no doubt of that, for this creature could be as discrete as a shadow if the situation required it. An act of mercy, maybe, to give him enough time to flee – or maybe a game to see if he would be so daft as to think he had a chance.

It was over, he knew it. The Lord Burner would erase him from history and all memory of him would cease to exist. It was the worst thing that could ever happen and he knew it to be quite painful, though that was not what made him shiver in horror at the idea – but rather the perspective of being forgotten by everyone, including the one he would never forget, even lost in oblivion.

« He is not coming, » said the Burner, calmly, without showing any sign of anger or violence.

And it was all. Not another word spoken, no expression on his face, no movement. _He is not coming_. Did he come all the way just to deliver this message ? But why ? His mission was obviously to erase him from history and he had never known this man to fail. They said that he had no feelings whatsoever, that he didn't even have the ability to smile, and though the rumours were untrue, he was still the most ruthless creature on the planet.

In an inexplicable gesture, he showed the capsule with his arm, still glaring at the fugitive.

« Go, now. No one is joining you. He is leading the last battle and will probably lose his life in doing so. He was never going to come – you know it to be true. I already warned you a long time ago to choose your friends more carefully and you didn't listen, as usual. You did whatever pleased you and look where it got you. Go. »

The army was coming near and he could hear them, feel them approaching. The Lord Burner didn't even flinch and his moves were so fast that they almost looked surreal when he took a long blade out of his cane. The fugitive stepped back, worried that this sword might be destined to him, but his opponent simply frowned and nodded towards the ship before turning back to go and meet the army.

Koschei's rebellion would fail against the President's forces, no matter how numerous they were – but they were not him. All alone in front of armed men, he could buy the fugitive more than enough time to run. It would cost him his job, his position, maybe his life, and still he was standing there, blade in hand.

He was the greatest liar of all times and yet, this time, the fugitive didn't think his words to be untrue. Koschei wouldn't come. He never had the intention to. Part of him wanted to believe that his friend did so to protect him, to make sure that he would run away and never look back.

He stepped inside the ship, glancing one last time at the Burner standing tall, ready to welcome the army with his frozen voice. He was surprised to meet the other's eyes and ever more to see a faint smile appearing on his lips.

« Thank you, brother, » he whispered before closing the door.


	2. Chapter 2 - The blackest day of his life

He really didn't want to attend the Prydonian Academy. If anything, he was a scientist, an artist, certainly not a politician, but as usual, nobody considered giving him a choice. Quences, his house's Kithriarch, had requested that he could attend the Prydonian Academy and become a Time Lord, without consulting him. Apparently, the Matricians had predicted that he would become the most influential Time Lord since Rassilon, which Quences had regarded as a most important prophecy. _You are going to be someone important, someone grandiose, and you cannot fail us by refusing your destiny. You are going to give the Lungbarrow House its glory back. _

As if. He didn't want to be someone important, he didn't want to give the House its glory back. That was his elder brother's job – but nobody cared about Irving these days. Nobody cared about the fact that he ranked so high in the Academy that the governement had contacted him to make him an unofficial ambassador of Gallifrey and send him away in the universe, nobody except for him. Because having an older brother away in the galaxy meant that he could never do the same.

He wanted to be an explorer. That was his dream – the only thing he ever wanted to do. Of course, the galaxy and the universe had already been explored long before he was born, everything had been seen and mapped a long time ago, but he still wanted to see it all for himself. Being a politician didn't seem to go along very well with this plan. He couldn't picture himself sitting in a chair giving stupid advice and ordering people to do things forever, that would probably kill him sooner or later. He needed fresh air, he needed to run and to jump and to call out at the sky, preferably not alone.

He was mumbling for himself as he climbed the mountain, looking for the Hermit that inhabited it. Everything around him was only dull-coloured rocks and weeds, nothing interesting, nothing beautiful. Gallifrey looked so awful at that time of the year, so grim and boring – why was he still around ? Why was he staying around this dreadful planet that had nothing to offer him ? He could simply run away with Braxiatel and conveniently disappear in some place he would like. But no, of course not, he was watched all the time, he couldn't make any single decision for himself and his life wasn't his own anymore, if it had ever been. In a few days, he was supposed to enter the Academy, to go to this stupid school with these stupid uniforms and these stupid teachers, to score as high as possible to become _the most influential Time Lord since Rassilon_.

That didn't sound like a good plan.

The Hermit lived in some kind of tent overlooking his father's estate. Just like everywhere else on the mountain, his land was nothing but rocks and weeds, nothing coloured nor bright, nothing that caught the eye, and the Hermit himself was rather dull. He was an old man with a white beard and the eyes of a very myopic creature, pleated to try and discern the details of what was surrounding him. His voice was high-pitched and toneless as he asked who was coming to him.

« So you're the boy from the Lungbarrow family... the one they're sending to the Prydonian Academy to get a political education ? I can't see anything of a politician in you. »

_Me neither._

« I came to get some answers, » he said, gathering the courage to stand tall in front of the Hermit. « I don't know where my life is going. I don't want to go to the Prydonian Academy, I don't want to be a politician, I want to be an explorer. But I'll never be one, right ? My brother is already gone in the universe, they'll never let me do the same. And what if I have to stay here ? I don't want to. I hate this place. I hate this planet, I hate everyone on it. Well, not everyone, there's my friend from the Oakdown estate, but I hate everyone else. They're shallow and petty and they hate me back. Torvic and Anzor, for example, they keep on bullying me. They hit me all the time and they say I'm worth nothing. They're both heading to the Prydonian Academy too, they're going to bully me there, I'll never be at peace. Here I can retreat in my home but I won't be able to do the same in the Academy, because we'll have dorms and they'll be able to enter the dorms. »

As his speech went on, his voice filled up with tears and he found himself almost sobbing at the end, unable to gaze at the Hermit in the eyes. The old man didn't seem really interested in what he had to say, he kept on drawing circles in the sand with a stick, as if he was just bored by everything around him. When he seemed to be certain that the boy had finished his speech, he got up and showed the boy a flower. It was nothing much, just a flower with red petals and a silver core, spreading its leaf desperately towards the sun, but when the child looked at it a second time, he understood.

The flower itself was nothing much but what made it appear in this very place – the subtle combination of water, sun, earth, winds – was the most beautiful thing in existence. But the flower itself, despite all these perfect conditions, would not have been as splendid without the seed it came from.

It was a bit blurry in his head, he was a little too young to grasp the whole concept of it, but still the sight of this simple flower cheered him up. He wasn't too sure how he was supposed to thank the Hermit but the old man had gone back to drawing figures in the sand, mumbling for himself in a language that had disappeared ages ago, so the boy decided it was better to simply go without a word.

And on the way, everything looked bright and pure, renewed in its beauty, and he felt better than he had in the last few years. Maybe the Academy would be a good thing, in the end.


	3. Chapter 3 - Memories

_« Leave him alone ! »_

_How many times had this cry been answered to with a laugh and more torture ? He felt sick, almost ready to throw up out of pain and hatred. Torvic's fists crashing on his friend's face, Torvic's voice humiliating him, humiliating them both, without mercy or rest, it was too much to bear. Leave him alone – that's all he wanted. If only Torvic could take his hatred on him alone and not on the other, if he could do anything to protect the other..._

_The blood dripping from his friend's wounds made his vision go red and yet, he knew very well what he was doing. He could feel the weight of the stone in his hand, he knew exactly how to crash it on Torvic's head to make it all stop, he knew that he had chosen the right weapon. That knowledge made him a little afraid but it was in cold blood that he stroke, smashing the bully's skull as hard as he could, feeling the bones shatter under the weight of the stone. _

_His hands were covered in blood now – blood and pieces of what he presumed was Torvic's brain. He was not even old enough to enter the Academy and yet he had already seen his first corpse, a corpse he made himself. For some reason, he remembered with a certain irony the blood-red petals of the flower that the Hermit showed him, not so long ago. Torvic's blood would feed the ground and make a lot of other flowers grow. That's what he was, in the end, the flower grown out of blood._

_Or at least he hoped so._

The dream woke him up and he sat in his bed, panting, sweating as if he just ran for miles – and somehow, he did, he never stopped. He liked to say it began the day he looked into the Intempered Schism but he knew it to be a lie : it all started with Torvic's murder. In his eyes danced the flames in which they burnt his corpse to make sure he would never come back to life, never come to haunt them again, even though he was still unable to regenerate. He remembered Koschei holding his hand so tight it hurt him, he remembered the blank expression on his friend's face, the almost invisible pressure at the corner of his lips, as if he was trying to keep himself from crying.

Since that day, they hadn't spoken much to each other. When they entered the Academy, the boy who was now called Theta Sigma did his best to share anyone's dorm but his and their classes didn't give them enough leisure time to meet and talk. He was fine with it : seeing Koschei's eyes made him think of that dreadful day and the consequences it had. To him, it seemed that his friend was always tormented, always thinking of some terrible things that he couldn't grasp and that was like torture, for he couldn't help in any possible way. He was far too young and naive and lost in his own confusion to understand anything about Koschei's pain.

Shivering, he stood at the window and looked at the Capitol laying at his feet. The city reached so far he couldn't swallow it all in one look, which frustrated him to an inimaginable extent. More than anything, he wanted to be able to look at it from above, to see everything in one gaze, to take it all in without having to turn his head. His dream to be an explorer never faded.

His roommate, Vansell, groaned and called out his name, asking what was wrong, to which he didn't bother to reply. Vansell was a nice guy, sure, a good friend with an impossible nose, but he didn't feel like entrusting him with one of his darkest secrets. He never told him about the nightmare that would wake him up almost every night.

Vansell was a little older than he was and closer than him to finishing the Academy. They said he had a promising future ahead of him and many saw him as a future member of the High Council, which the young man appreciated a little too much to everyone's taste. Other than that, he was quite discrete and pleasant, never raising his voice, never making enemies, which Theta knew to be a strategy. Vansell was manipulative, deceitful, and he would never give him any kind of grasp over him.

He stayed at the window until the sun rose completely and the alarm that woke them all up every morning rang. Vansell got out of a bed with another groan, ranting about the few minutes of sleep that Theta had stolen from him, muttering something about Ushas' birthday party that would happen the night after. Ushas was one of Vansell's classmates and one of the brightest when it came to science. She had an incredible grasp of temporal theory and dimensional experimentation, though it was said she tended to use her knowledge to do quite a lot of illegal things. That was never proven and she got away with every accusation easily. She was a tiny little woman with long auburn hair and fiery black eyes who could easily shut anyone up with a simple glare – and that night, she would celebrate her ninety-fourth birthday.

Theta dreaded that party to come. He was never the last when it came to celebrate something but he knew that Koschei would be invited too and that his education would prevent him from refusing to come. It would be the first time they would see each other in a leisurely context since the incident and the idea made Theta tremble with anxiety. It wasn't that he didn't want to see his old friend – but he still feared the memories that would come out of this meeting.

There would be at least the whole Deca, the group of students Koschei and him belonged to. Ushas and Vansell were also part of it, as well as six other students. They all gathered around the dominating figure of Magnus, a bright, clever young man who was an expert when it came to building TT capsules, plagued with ambitions so high he could barely contain them. He took the lead of the group very naturally, although Ushas and Koschei didn't seem to appreciate the idea very much, which suited his high hopes concerning the future.

Theta smiled for himself. Unlike most of the other members of the group, he didn't hate Magnus. As a matter of fact, they had history... Not long after Theta joined the Deca, Magnus started hitting on him. That was obviously something that young Time Lords to be were not supposed to do in a society where touching was regarded as dirty and primitive but Theta already had a reputation – not a very pleasant one – of being compeletely impervious to traditions and customs. He had his first experience with sexual intercourse in Lowtown, where he accidentally landed after a night when he had too much to drink, with a Cerulean prostitute whose house was filled with flowers. He loved those flowers. She said they were called daffodils and the name itself was pleasant to hear.

Resisting Magnus was not something Theta was keen on doing and as soon as the other showed his interest, Theta did his best to make sure it wouldn't fade away too quickly. Their relationship was brief but intense, filled with excuses to sneak out and share a bed – or any kind of dark corner. Years after, Theta couldn't still decide whether or not the affair ended well.

Anyway, they were friends, as far as Magnus could be friend with anyone. As years passed by, he became colder and more distant than he ever was, to the point he barely talked to his classmates. Theta wondered if he would come to the party – but the answer was probably yes, since he wouldn't dare to show Ushas any disrespect.

Well, that would be interesting, whatever the outcome would be. And perhaps, if he was lucky enough, he would be able to avoid Koschei for the night.


	4. Chapter 4 - Ushas's birthday

« Millenia, from the House of Brightshore, » announced the doorman while bowing to the small girl whose blue hair clashed hardly with her red dress. Ushas' birthday was an official reception, of course, but that would never convince Millenia to wear something that would match her hair a little better.

Still smiling, she almost ran to Theta Sigma, who was talking with Rallon, an upper student who happened to be her boyfriend. The two of them were members of the Deca, not the brightest ones but perhaps the most pleasant. Theta enjoyed talking to them and, well, they had a thing together during a very drunken night, a few years ago. Surprisingly enough, it didn't change their relationship at all.

« Theet, it's so nice to see you. You don't attend Deca meetings anymore, » teased Millenia.

« I'm busy, » he smiled in reply, running a hand through his hair.

« _Busy, _is that what they call it these days ? Anyway, have you seen Ushas yet ? I heard she was really pissed off because Koschei spent hours refusing to come to her party, it took her a while to convince him. I don't understand why he made such a fuss to come, she's his girlfriend, after all... »

Theta almost spit his drink. _Girlfriend _? Koschei, with a girlfriend, with Ushas ? That was quite unsettling. He didn't have time to comment though, as Rallon and Millenia went on to discuss their homework and how difficult it was. The subject didn't interest Theta much. Homework... the last time he actually _did_ his homework was in his early years at the Academy when he wrote an essay about the chromosomal origin of love that got rejected by his teacher. His desastrous grade cured him of any desire to ever work for school and he found himself rather satisfied of this decision. Well, most of the time. It happened that sometimes, he didn't get much of a choice.

He left Rallon and Millenia to their discussion and started wandering around the party. Ushas invited the whole Deca and everyone she considered as « influential », although the term was a bit too lenifying once applied to students of the Academy. They were not Time Lords yet, they were nothing, but she seemed to think she had an eye to detect those who would become _something_ in their later years. As far as Theta was concerned, what he would become would either one of Lowtown's reject or some kind of renegade who would hold absolutely no power over Gallifrey, and he was totally fine with the idea.

He caught a glimpse of Koschei discussing with Ushas – or rather hearing her monologue. He hadn't changed. Black hair tied in his neck, small glasses, trying to be as invisible as he could, in which he seemed to succeed very well but not well enough for Ushas to forget him. It was almost tempting to throw away all of his good resolutions and go to talk to him but something kept him from doing so.

Something that took the shape of a huge silhouette barring his way.

« Hello, » grinned the young man who suddenly preyed on him. « Missed me, _Theet _? You didn't give me back my navigational homework yesterday. »

« I was busy, Anzor, » muttered Theta, trying to escape his opponent in vain.

« Busy, heh ? Busy slutting around, like you always do ? That's the deal, Theta-Sigma, you do my homework and I don't use this on you, » he whispered while showing a little device that the young man knew too well. The galvaniser was his nightmare. That thing could hurt someone so badly – could make them regret the day they were born. He had gotten a taste of its effects far too many times to his liking and he was very keen on never experiencing it ever again. He could almost feel tears coming to his eyes and pressed himself against the wall, hoping that it would swallow him and allow him to disappear.

That kind of thing never happened.

« Please, Anzor... I promise I'll hand them back tomorrow. Just give me one day, one single day - »

The galvaniser cracked and Theta shrieked, trying to make himself as small as possible. It wasn't easy, he was taller and more athletic than many of his companions, being far more interested in running and climbing and jumping everywhere than in staying calmly on his seat, and he suddenly came to regret it. He was paralyzed by fear. Perhaps could he have dodged Anzor, hit him in the face, something – but he was far too scared.

But then someone pulled Anzor away from him. He was too shaken to hear or understand what was going on but he recognized another student from a different year, Cheevah, a nice guy whom he enjoyed talking to, who was currently standing up to Anzor. He said something about cowardice and disgusting behaviour, he mentioned how pathetic Anzor was, and Theta felt good hearing this – but he ran away, not really willing to face his bully when he would have chased Cheevah away.

His hands shaking, he grabbed a drink, trying to put on a smile and pretend he was all right. Unfortunately, there was no alcohol and he had to admit that he would have needed a lot of it at the moment. Not far from him, Ushas was standing, keeping Koschei by her side with a firm grip, discussing whatever political or scientific matter interested her with Magnus. For a second or so, Theta felt amused by how desperate Koschei looked... but he chose his own path. Dating Ushas was a bad idea, he should have guessed it before he threw himself in the mantis' claws.

He caught a glimpse of Magnus eyeing at him and smiled, trying to hide the fear that relinquished in him. Perhaps, if he could get to share his friend's bed that night, the day after wouldn't be that bad.


	5. Chapter 5 - No such thing as justice

As a matter of fact, it could hardly have been any worse.

He was laughing with the other students, laughing and trying to keep himself from crying. The body of Cheevah was shattered in the school yard, right below the bell tower, the crystal in which he was trapped dissolved into tiny particles around it. Anzor's revenge had been dreadful and now, they were all forced to laugh at it under the threat of the galvaniser.

He wanted to throw up. It was his fault. If he had stood up to Anzor, if he had escaped, the bully would never have killed Cheevah and made them all laugh at it. Cheevah had died to protect him and he couldn't even get to say thanks.

The whole Deca was there. Ushas, laughing with the sternest face she could conjure, probably thinking of how dull such methods were. Magnus, laughing mechanically, neither shocked nor even remotely interested. Millennia, laughing because she had to but crying at the same time in Rallon's arms, Rallon's whose eyes reflected anger and fear. Vansell, laughing with disgust. Jelpax, laughing without really understanding what was going on. Drax, laughing like a maniac to hide his terror. Mortimus, laughing with his eyes so wide open they looked like they were about to jump out of his orbits, his hands clasped into fists.

Koschei, barely laughing, exsuding so much anger it was even more difficult to handle than the sight of Cheevah's body.

When finally Anzor set them all free, he ran out of the Academy, towards the mountains that surrounded the city. He couldn't picture himself walking into class, sitting in front of the board at the table, looking interested, doodling to forget how bored he was. Not after this. He needed to be away from them all, from this dreadful place where such things could happen without any consequence. He hated himself for laughing, for not being brave enough to stand up like Cheevah did, for not telling Anzor that no one would ever obey him again. He had no courage left, nothing to hold on to.

Except a hand that tugged his sleeve, softly, just to make sure he would notice.

He jumped and turned around to face the one that followed him, only half surprised to see Koschei's icy eyes staring at him through his little glasses. He looked serious, as usual, but a tiny bit more shaken. Even if he was good at hiding his emotions, nobody could be _that _good.

« Aren't you in class ? » sniffled Theta, stepping backwards to make sure there was a good distance between them. « You're always in class. Even when there's no class. Do you sleep in the classroom ? I'm sure you sleep in the classroom. »

« I don't sleep in the classroom, Theet. And I'm not in class because there are more important matters at hand. »

« Like what ? » asked Theta, genuinely confused. As far as he knew, Koschei never deemed anything as more important than classes.

« Like the murder that just happened in front of us ? I don't know, I thought it would matter to you too. You seem to know what happened, at least a little more than the rest of us. »

Theta stared at him in silence, unable to find a proper answer. He was right and on second thought, it was not so surprising that Koschei would want to make things right, to make sure Anzor was punished. He was always so righteous... Everything had to go by the book, otherwise he wasn't happy. Of course.

At first, he wanted to say nothing, pretty sure that if Anzor got punished, he would strike him first. Anzor would know, he would know who talked, who told about the intense bullying many students were facing – but somehow, he found himself talking, telling Koschei everything that had happened, the threats, the torture, the fear. As he spoke, he saw his friend's face darkening, up to the point he seemed to be about to burst. It wouldn't happen, obviously, since Koschei would never allow himself to lose control in such a despicable way, but it was somehow comforting to see someone reflecting his own anger. Even a long lost friend.

« Why didn't you talk sooner ? Theta, this is important, this is serious. What he did to you – and to others – it's horrible. It should have stopped a long time ago. »

He was too ashamed to say how scared he was. He remained silent, looking away, biting his lower lip and fidgeting. However good he usually was at hiding his feelings, this time was a massive failure.

Koschei sighed and did something quite extraordinary, considering how touching was seen by their society – he patted Theta's shoulder. There were his glove and Theta's tunic between their skins but still, the contact was more intimate than what they were usually allowed and feeling his friend's hand on his shoulders after so many years of silence was just too much to bear. Too much in one day. Cheevah's death, everyone's laughters, and now Koschei touching him, talking to him, as if nothing had ever happened, as if their last conversation had not been one in front of a burning corpse.

He shook Koschei's hand off and ran away, as fast as he could, looking like a doe trapped in front of a hunter. It was ridiculous and pathetic, he would probably be ashamed of himself for a couple of months after that, but he was still a child and that day had just been a little too much to handle.

Yet he was comforted and reassured by an idea : if there was any justice in this universe, Koschei was the right person to talk to and he would surely make sure that Anzor would be rightly punished. Theta used to believe that there was no such thing as justice – but for once, he was very willing to change his beliefs.


	6. Chapter 6 - Teenage Dreams

He had no idea what kind of magic Koschei used on the administration to actually get Anzor punished but it worked. Cheevah's family seemed to have helped a lot and in the end, the bully was behind bars, where he would stay for a few centuries. He deserved much more, at least in Theta's opinion, but as he was underage, he couldn't get too high a sentence. It was already a few centuries of safety and that was much more than he would have hoped for.

Life was suddenly a little brighter. He was not afraid of walking through the corridors alone anymore, he didn't have to complete this idiot's homework, he could do pretty much whatever he liked again. For a few months, after Anzor had started picking on him, he had to lay low and behave just like the bully wanted him to, which was absolutely not to his taste – but there was some logic in it : if he was in detention, he couldn't possibly do Anzor's homework or the supervisor would notice.

But things has changed and he could go back to his usual self, thanks to Koschei. He remembered having gained his troublesome reputation during his first year by trapping a teacher in a time loop that lasted for two weeks. After that, there were the time portals, these things that were so easy to create and so fun to hide in the most unexpected places, where people would fall into them only to reappear in some other place at some other time, completely unaware of what had just happened to them. There was also the whole skipping classes and going on long hikes in the mountains, the insolence towards teachers. All that, he had missed quite a lot. Much more fun than sitting through class and actually listening to what was happening.

Even during the Deca meetings, he didn't pay much attention. While Koschei was sighing and sometimes yelling, trying to explain difficult concepts to those who didn't quite comprehend them, he spent his time doodling on exercise sheets and making paper planes with his lessons. He remembered with a smirk what happened when one of them landed in Koschei's face. That had been absolutely _hilarious_.

Koschei did try to make him listen – in the worst way possible. Theta never replied very well to yelling. Usually, when his classmate started getting angry at him for not paying attention, he would start singing louder and louder until the other would simply give up. Then he would chuckle and resume his activities. Did Koschei mistake him for a fool ? He _did _understand these difficult concepts. Spacetime, curvature, spaces of n dimensions, they were not really so complicated to comprehend, but he just didn't care. What good would it do to understand everything that was happening inside a TT capsule ? He just needed to learn how to fly it and their first lessons would begin soon. The completion of this class was mandatory to get their Junior Time Lords degree and if there was one class that he was decided not to fail, it was this one. He would pass, whatever the cost, to get the symbiotic nucleus that would allow him to connect to the telepathical matrix of a TT capsule and fly it properly – that was all he needed. As soon as that would be done, he could finally escape this dreadful place and become an adventurer, like he had always wanted.

But now there was something more in this desire. Since their discussion after Cheevah's death, Theta could not stop thinking about Koschei, about how they used to be the best friends in the universe. Back then, before Torvic's death, it was obvious to him that he would take his friend with him, that they would go together to see the stars. Things had changed in a terrible way, however he still thought of it from time to time. Travelling alone would not be half as fun as travelling with him.

Nonetheless, they did not talk much. The only time they were seen actually interacting with each other was when Koschei was yelling at Theta to get his attention, which could hardly be considered a proper discussion. Outside Deca meetings, they were never together, never talking, and at that point none of them knew which one was avoiding the other. Theta thought it would be unwelcome of him to try and get closer to Koschei after all these years of pushing him away, especially now that he had a girlfriend who was the extremely jealous type. Besides, when he thought of his own reaction when his friend patted his shoulder, he could imagine quite easily how embarrassed and queasy it must have made Koschei feel – but all this, he kept silent.

Drax and Mortimus, his two closest friends amongst the Deca, kept on asking him questions about the weird atmosphere between him and Koschei and all he could answer was that his friend had done something huge for him and that he could not repay him. That didn't satisfy their curiosity but then again, both of them were the curious type to a point that was sometimes dangerous to them. Mortimus had a huge thing for gossip, he tried to get his hands on the dirtiest stories of the Academy all the time, and Theta knew it to be a way for him to control people's lives in a way. Mortimus had always loved playing with time and its consequences, even if it meant sometimes hurting people. As for Drax, his sense of morality was a little more developed but he was still not above some shenanigans that could prove harmful. Theta loved them both but he would never trust them enough to tell them the truth.

He could see them gossiping together sometimes, most often at lunch. Both enjoyed food a lot, a lot more than the average Gallifreyan, and that was something he liked in them. They enjoyed life, they did not give so much credit to the Gallifreyan code of conduct that made people so cold and rigid and distant. But well, they had the faults of their qualities.

As for the other members of the Deca, those who cared about the strange atmosphere between the two young men usually said nothing about it in front of them. Ushas would sometimes rant about how Koschei seemed preoccupied, lost in his thoughts and how he lost focus on what mattered – namely, her. Rallon and Millennia were simply worried. Magnus had little time to care about these silly stories but still seemed bothered by the fact that Theta never came to him anymore, when he used to knock at his door twice a week for a while, looking for some kind of comfort that the other was completely willing to give him. Jelpax didn't give a damn and as for Vansell, he listened to every story, knew every detail, but said nothing.

Things could have kept on going this way – but a wild night changed all of it.


	7. Chapter 7 - Burn, baby, burn

Theta didn't reply when Vansell asked him where he was going so late at night. The other was about to go to bed, he was tying his hair and making some kind of meditation exercises that drove Theta insane everytime he saw him do so, and he was apparently very nonplussed by Theta's appearance. He was not wearing the usual Prydonian uniform, the red tunic with the matching trousers, but was dressed in black, as if he was ready to commit some kind of crime. After four times asking him what was going on, Vansell gave up and let him go without any further question.

Ranting between his teeth, the young man got out of the Academy, hoping that Vansell would have the good idea to remain quiet. He trusted Nosebung – to a point. Experience had shown him that Gallifreyans in general were not good at keeping a secret when there was something illegal going on, unless they could get some profit out of their silence. However, he could still hope that his friend would have enough respect and affection for him not to go to Lord Borusa and tell him that Theta had sneaked out at night, all dressed in black and apparently not heading towards one of his usual parties. Theta remembered far too well that one time when he got ten hours of detention because Vansell had told their tutor that he had gone to a party on the moon of Korpal, which he did not even remember properly, having drunk more than would have been wise.

He had dismissed it as clumsy worry from his friend. He knew that Vansell simply wanted to protect him and keep him on the right path. Too bad it was a long lost fight.

However, he wasn't going to a party that night, far from it. There had been an incident and for once, he wanted to be the one making it right. A giant cockroach had attacked a younger student in a corridor and eaten all his homework, leaving the poor young lad traumatized and terribly scared that he would have to do all his work again, luckily unharmed. The security services had secured him soon enough and the creature had been killed but no further research had been conducted on the subject and Theta understood why when he managed to find out the one person behind it.

Ushas.

She had built herself a laboratory in an abandoned warehouse at the further limits of the city, far down in Lowtown, where nobody would think to look. And in this laboratory, she was conducting some dreadful experiments on animal and creatures that she deemed « inferior », all in the name of _science_. That kind of science made Theta want to vomit. He could very well imagine the distress of all the creatures she had captured to test them and he didn't want to hear a first-year-student scream in the corridors ever again. Now that Anzor was gone, he had thought that this would stop, but apparently the threats kept piling up.

If he was completely honest with himself, he had to admit that it wasn't the only reason. The person he feared for the most was Koschei, his friend who was, yes, bright, clever, righteous, stone-cold brilliant but also lonely and sometimes far too complacent, Koschei who was in Ushas's grasp and probably in danger because of that. She had started on animals, what were the chances that she would soon start looking for more complex lab rats ? And she had one right under her nose, probably willing to do whatever she would ask. Not that he was easy to manipulate, no, but he was also the devoted kind and would probably fail to see the evil in her doings. Koschei had never been that good at distinguishing good and evil when it was not written in a book.

He could have reported her to Borusa but then again, his reputation played against him. He was the troublemaker, the one who spent more time in detention than in class, and she was the perfect little girl who would become an influential Time Lady and would do wonders in the world. No, that wouldn't do.

He reached the lab, shivering from the unusual cold. Well, at least the fire would make him a little warmer. He was surprised to find the door open and for a second or two, he feared that Ushas might be inside, aware of his plan and waiting for him. He soon dismissed the idea, as there was no light coming from the laboratory, no sound at all. She probably just forgot to lock the door.

But as he walked in, he noticed that in the end, he wasn't alone at all. His black hair tied in his necks, his little round glasses hidden somewhere, his slender figure agitated, Koschei was trying to open the cages where Ushas kept her animals. When his friends turned to look at him, Theta stood there, unable to speak, flabbergasted by this view. If he had imagined...

- Instead of staring at me as if you were a fish just pulled out of water, you should give me a hand, whispered Koschei in this always so elegant voice of his.

Theta didn't comment and obeyed, using certain skills he was not exactly proud of on the cage's doors to let the animals free. In the meantime, Koschei was making sure that all of Ushas' material was destroyed.

None of them said a thing until everything was destroyed and all the animals freed. They stood side by side at the door, looking at all the little creatures flee in the dark, somehow relieved to see that these were little things that Ushas couldn't alter anymore. They stood for a while, a little too close to one another. Then Koschei turned around and walked back in the lab, taking a lighter out of his pocket.

- Now, the fire, he muttered, approaching the Bunsen beak on the slab.

- … Fire ? You want to set fire to this place ? But, Kos... it will spread to the whole city !

- What is _your _plan, then ?

He had none. To be quite honest, he hadn't imagined he would even reach the laboratory, and besides making plans was not – and would never be – his strongest feature.

- Then we burn the place down, said Koschei while turning the beak on.

- We have freed the animals and destroyed all her stuff, don't you think this is enough ?

- Fire will send a more meaningful message.

Theta would never forget the expression on his friend's face at these words. Full of determination, printed with a will so strong it could bend nations, so cold, so strong. When the fire caught, he ran away as fast as he could, certain that Koschei would follow – and he could already hear his friend's footsteps behind him. The windows of the laboratory were bursting, people were screaming for help and they were rushing outside the city, towards the mountains. To Theta, this was all so mysterious. His friend always did his best to stay out of trouble, he always did things that were right and burning a warehouse was in no way _right_. Besides, since when did he care about such things as lab animals ?

But there was no time to think, they had to run, to run until they would be out of breath and unable to stand. It happened as they had reached a point quite far away from the city, lost in the Mountain of Solace, covered in snow and deliciously deserted. They let themselves fall to the ground, far too exhausted to stand, and remained silent for a few minutes – but then Koschei let out a chuckle and they both burst out laughing.

- By everything that is sacred, Kos... Why did you do that ? Of all people, _you_, burning a laboratory ? Your girlfriend's laboratory ! Said Theta, once his hilarity had dried away.

- I have my reasons.

Suddenly, Koschei was grim again, looking all so serious. The beautiful laughter that had enlightened his face had gone and Theta was almost wondering if it had actually happened. He rolled on his stomach to stare at his friend, who was still lying on his back, his hands behind his head. Koschei stared back, his pale eyes feeling like steel.

- Alright, Mister Grumpy, keep your secrets. This was fun anyway.

- Fun ? Did you enjoy that ?

Theta burst out laughing again, amused by his friend's shocked expression.

- Of course. Why wouldn't I enjoy setting fire to something, risking people's lives and my own in the process ? You know me better than that.

- … It was a terrible idea.

- I'm glad that you acknowledge it. But that doesn't tell me why you did it.

- Because I'm tired of burning on the inside, muttered Koschei, rolling on his side to face him.

Theta didn't ask anything more. When his friend had decided to play mysterious, there was nothing he could ever get out of him. He sighed and buried his face in the snow, smelling the earth beneath it, feeling the cold tickle his skin. It was not unpleasant, after the fire. He still felt awful for risking other people's lives but he trusted Gallifrey's security services to make sure everything would be back in order soon.

They would look for the culprits, obviously. Koschei's roommate and his – they wouldn't keep silent, not this one time. Vansell would talk, there was no doubt about it. And they would be in deep trouble.

- We need to have each other's back on this one, he whispered in the snow. We can say we were working or something like that...

He felt his friend grow tense and heard him growl, as if the idea was unpleasant to him. Why ? It was the perfect cover. Koschei trying to get Theta to work by tying him down to a chair at unholy hours and forcing him to read books, that sounded like something that could actually happen. Koschei would never be suspected of lying, he was the perfect student and had never been punished for anything, so the cover story would work perfectly.

- What's wrong, Kos ? You know it's the best way. Is it that you don't want to lie ?

- I don't care about lying. But... are you aware of the rumours ?

Theta's perplexed face gave Koschei the answer right away.

- Thanks to Mortimus, the whole Academy thinks that we are dating.

It took a few seconds for Theta to realize what he meant and why he was so tense at the idea of pretending they spent the night together. Of course. There were rumours of them dating and if they pretended to have been together during the whole night, everyone would think something happened between them, something that should not happen on Gallifrey. Touching was considered extremely intimate, almost forbidden, and since they didn't need intercourse to reproduce, sex was quite taboo. Most people deemed it as primitive and unworthy of the high Gallifreyan society's standards. Of course, Koschei wouldn't want anyone to think he could have compromised himself in such a way.

- Fine, said Theta in the coldest voice he could conjure. If you'd rather have people think that you might have set fire to your girlfriend's laboratory than that you might have slept with me, it's your problem. Thank you very much, Koschei. You'll get away with this, you know it, I won't. So, really, thanks, and enjoy being top of the class for another century.

Hurt and angry, he stood up and left, too quickly to let Koschei answer. As he was running back towards his dorm, he knew that the day after would see him getting in more trouble than ever, and that would have been fine with him if he hadn't had that terrible thought – that Koschei was ashamed of even being seen with him.


	8. Chapter 8 - First meeting

He should have known when his father's face turned red that it was not a good idea to keep arguing over how he did not want to become a politician like him. He should have known when his father's fists started clenching that shutting it was the best way to get out of this dreadful situation. But he was stubborn and wanted to be heard, for once in his life. He was a scared little boy and the day of his initiation was approaching, how else was he supposed to express his fear ? His father would never have tolerated any sign of weakness and apprehension of any kind _was _a weakness.

Cringing, he let his father yell at him in silence until it was just too much to bear. He simply slipped out of his father's grip to run to the woods, at the far end of the estate, running as if his life depended on it – and considering how angry his father was, it did.

He didn't notice at first how loud he was sobbing until he reached the tranquil serenity of the woods, the peaceful shelter they provided. The boy leaned against a tree and buried his face in his hands in a desperate attempt to stop crying. He wasn't supposed to cry, besides, if his father was looking for him, any sound could lead him to his current position. He even wanted to stop breathing, but that would not work. He had to focus, to calm down. Soon enough, he was able to resume his walking.

He had not the slightest idea where he was. He had never been to the woods before, his mother had told him too many times about the dangerous things that hid in there for him to try... At this thought, he felt about to cry again. He was just a six-years-old boy who ran away from his father's anger in the middle of the night and it was cold and dark, and no one would find him, they wouldn't even bother looking for him, because he was such a failure. He was about to start crying again and scream for help when the silence of the forest was disturbed by the sound of someone running.

He caught a glimpse of white as something passed by him, something white and small, something that was going incredibly fast. He remembered the dreadful words of his mother about the monsters in the dark, the creatures that were waiting for little children they could eat, but tossed the thought aside and started running too. Whatever this was, it was bright and pure, it didn't look dangerous. He would learn many years and centuries later that the look of things could be terribly decieving but he was still to young to comprehend such a concept.

He ran after the white little creature for what could have been an hour before the thing finally stopped and turned to face him. They were in a clearing bathed with moonlight, covered in snow, and the _creature _was a boy, just like him. Except this boy was almost naked, wearing only a pair of white trousers, and he didn't seem to have suffered from the run, when himself felt like he would die if he was asked to move any more. The creature was impressive. Quiet, its head tilted to the right, its enormous eyes curiously staring at him. It didn't seem to suffer from the cold either.

- Why were you running ? He asked it, wondering if it was an elf, or maybe a Toclafane, these mythical creatures his mother told him about. He didn't expect the other to answer and almost jumped when it – or he, as it seemed – did.

- Because if I stop running, I die.

- You're not dying.

- Not yet.

The creature smiled and for a second or two, the boy thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

- Are you a Toclafane ?

- No. I'm a Lungbarrow, the other replied, looking a bit perplexed by his question.

- So you're like me ? You're a Gallifreyan ? But... but you're... but what are you doing here ?! These are my father's woods ! You're not allowed here !

For whatever reason, discovering that this « creature » was just a boy made him angry. Suddenly, the Lungbarrow kid in front of him seemed to shine a little less, his skin turned into a more real color, his smile lost a bit of its charm. He was not a fairy from whatever ancient tale, he was just a boy. He had heard about the Lungbarrows, they were quite a big family of the Prydonian Chapter and had a lot of influence. The oldest kid, Braxiatel, was destined to be a diplomat or something – meaning he had a chance to leave Gallifrey one day. The youngest had not entered the Academy yet. He was said to be a bit of a lunatic, very weird, and he always heard his parents talk about this child in a very unpleasant manner.

He was about to leave the boy and tell his father that someone had been invading their land when the youngest of the Lungbarrows did a thing that blew him away. He laughed.

- You're an Oakdown, aren't you ? If it's your dad's estate... I know I'm not allowed here. My mom doesn't know either. But I like these woods. They're peaceful. Is your dad as peaceful ?

- My dad is a monster, the boy pouted. He shouted at me because I'm a failure.

The look of genuine surprise on Lungbarrow's face had something comforting and he forgot his silly idea to go and tell his father – besides, even that would get him into more trouble, he had no doubt of it. The only thing he could do to repair the numerous mistakes he had made that night was to crawl at his father's feet and beg for forgiveness, but even that would probably not be enough. He glanced around him, worried that the forest might attack him if he stayed too long, but everything seemed so quiet... The other boy was right. The woods were peaceful. And talking with another child his age was a moment stolen from time, a moment he didn't want to end.

- You're not a failure, Lungbarrow said, beaming with joy. Look, you managed to catch me ! And I run very fast.

This smile was intoxicating and contagious and soon, the boy found himself smiling like an idiot.

- I do, he replied, all proud with himself and hands on his hips. And I'm getting my initiation soon. I'm going to look into the Intempered Schism and become a Time Lord. My father says I could even become president.

- I doubt it, Lungbarrow chuckled. Only bad guys become president. That's what my mother says.

He decided not to reply to this one, because it felt a little too true to accept. He was still too young for that. Instead, he carefully approached the other and reached for the wonderful mane he was wearing on his head. His hair was so fair that in this moonlit darkness, it seemed almost white, just as his skin. His eyes, however, were of a deep blue – deeper than the sky at night. Lungbarrow obliged him and bowed his head a little to let him touch his hair, then chuckled and started running again inside the woods, inviting him to follow. It was hard to run that much but he didn't want to lose track of his new friend, who was probably the only one who could get him out of the forest after he got so tangled up in this maze.

- There are a lot of legends about you, he breathed. They say you haven't been loomed, you have a human mother. Or that you have been loomed and you're the reincarnation of the Other.

- I know !

He didn't get any proper answer, just these words and a laughter that could probably make snow melt. Lungbarrow's hand reached for his and they ran, they ran into the woods for what seemed like hours, they ran in a way he had never known before. It was not running to avoid being hit in the face by an angry old man, it was running to discover new wonders waiting for them behind every tree, under every patch of snow. Lungbarrow had his own way to make all of this wonderful – a tree was not just a tree, it was the house of little elves that were offering them cookies and milk but were too small to be heard or seen, the snow was frozen tears of joy shed by a happy sky, and the scent of the forest was a perfume it wore to seduce the sun when it would come back. For a moment or two, everything was forgotten, there was just the forest, the forest and this weird little boy who looked at the stars in awe.

For the very first time in his life, the boy who would become the Master discovered beauty. And it was heartbreaking.


	9. Chapter 9 - Tonight, we are young

That had been a hard night and Koschei knew a thing or two about hard nights. He usually dreamt of violence and wars, of the neverending drums in his head taking the shape of warriors walking to their death, and he had grown used to it after the first ten years of it. It had started when he looked in the Intempered Schism. He knew in his hearts it would never stop. But that night was different – it was a peaceful dream, a dream of past happiness, and that was worse than anything. Dreaming of the time they were friends and everything was bright and simple was not to his liking, he would rather have a thousand nightmares about his homeland destroyed than dream of that. For some reason, Theta's smile was more painful than seeing his family estate torn to pieces.

He got up, groaning as his body cracked to remind him of the nasty position he slept in. Obviously, his knuckles did not appreciate spending the night crooked in angles that were almost impossible. The warm water of the shower made it a little better it could not do anything for the drums. One two three four one two three four one two three four. He found himself tapping that cursed rhythm on the wall, his head bent under the flow, his eyes closed in an attempt to focus on something else than this dream and the drums. During his sleep, for once, he didn't hear the echo in his mind, and that too was painful. His subconscious still associated Theta with so much peace and happiness that it even made the drums quiet. He had to get rid of that.

Theta did everything he could to avoid him. And when he thought they could finally go back to be friends, he found just any excuse he could to slip away again, he never even tried to understand. He jumped to that stupid conclusion – that Koschei was ashamed of the rumors. He almost wished it was true. Theta's speech on how they should never talk again would not have been that painful. Now his friend was stuck in detention most of the day, saved from being expelled by Lord Braxiatel himself but still locked inside the Academy from dusk till dawn, probably bored to death.

However, the dream made him remember why his friend had avoided him in the first place. Not so long after they met, a boy named Torvic had started bothering them, running after them in the woods, and Koschei could not tell his father about him if he didn't want to lose Theta. Torvic was a bully, a bully of the worst kind. A little older than them, he would stop at nothing to get them to cry, and he succeeded most of the time. They had protected each other since the first day of his attacks but one day, one day it was too much. He remembered Theta grabbing a stone and hitting Torvic's head with it, an expression of pure rage and hatred on his face. Suddenly, his ever so cheerful friend turned into a beast, driven mad by anger. That was the event that drew Theta from him. And while he understood that his friend had been ashamed of it and unable to cope with his reaction, he couldn't figure out why he was being so defensive even after so many years.

Koschei wanted his friend back. After all the drama, all the shouting and the avoiding each other, after Ushas messing with their lives, he just wanted Theta. He wanted to be able to run in the forest with his friend again, to climb trees and being laughed at because he was not so good at it, to have snowball fights, all these little silly things that he had enjoyed so much. They were a break from his father's expectations. Theta never expected anything from him, he just took him as he was and kept on smiling. This beautiful smile that made the stars look pale in comparison had faded lately and Koschei was not sure he could handle that.

Thinking of Theta's smile was a bad idea. It brought back too many memories, too many unwanted feelings. Soon, they would reach their final examinations to reach the rank of Junior Time Lords, they would be given the symbiotic nucleus that would allow them to regenerate and travel through time and space, it would be the final race before the end. Soon, he would meet his father's expectations and if everything went well, he would have to leave to become part of the council. The simple thought of it made him nauseous. Sitting on a chair all day long, chatting about useless things... that was not what he wanted but then again, he had very little to say in that matter. His father would decide for him. As always.

His thoughts drifted to Theta again. To this smile that started burning in his flesh long ago. To these blue eyes that shone with promises of new worlds and wonders. Noticing his right hand had ventured a little too far on his own stomach, he kicked himself back to reality, turned off the water and got out of the shower. What he had been about to do was disgusting, it belonged to lower species that had not found any way to dim their physical instincts, certainly not to a future Time Lord. In their society, touching hands was already considered a very intimate thing to do, and without reproductive instincts, anything sexual seemed completely useless. Still, he could not chase the unpleasant sting that kept on burning through his loins.

Ushas never made him feel like this. There had been a few times where they explored this lowly part of their basic chemical composition but it had always felt like a science experiment, never like that thing he heard about, that thing that was supposed to be pleasant.

Angry at himself, he put on clothes and stormed out of his room, barely thinking of closing the door. This was simply insufferable. His thoughts were not coherent enough for him to understand why he was knocking on Theta's door, why his whole body seemed to suddenly be on fire, why he felt that urge to punch something, preferably something that would scream. He used to be quiet and to never raise his voice but a little fairy-boy in the forest managed to awake some dreadful thoughts in him. That was bad, that was terribly bad, but when Theta's voice rose to invite him in, it felt like someone poured some fresh water over his burning wounds.

He was sitting on his bed, facing his window and looking at the sun rising. The sky was going from a burnt orange to a lighter yellow that would later appear almost green if no clouds were to show, the city below was barely awaking – it was still very early, as Koschei noticed when he finally took the time to look at a clock, but Theta did not seem to mind. As for Vansell, he had graduated a few days ago and had left the dorm to get a private appartment, leaving Theta on his own. His wild blond curls were a complete mess, dancing around his head as if they had their own will, his blue eyes did not even bother to look at him, and he was almost naked. Just like this day in the wood, he was only wearing his trousers, and nothing else. He said once that he did not like clothes, that he felt restrained when he was dressed, especially when he wore shoes. The rest, he could handle, but he hated shoes to a dreadful extent.

His gaze still didn't shift when Koschei sat by his side, silent, and he kept on staring at the sky with the most serious face he had ever worn.

- Thete...

- Shush. Listen. The sun is singing.

That was not the first time Theta pretended he could hear the music of the stars. His eyes closed and he tilted his head as if he was listening to something and suddenly, his features softened, a smile blossomed on his lips.

- I guess you wanted to talk to me, he whispered without opening his eyes. Or just stare at me awkwardly for hours, but I doubt it. I'm listening. I have an hour before I have to go to detention.

- I thought you wanted me to forget your existence.

- You obviously didn't. So, speak.

- I wanted to talk to you about what happened after we burnt Ushas' lab.

Theta's eyes opened and his smile disappeared, but he still didn't look at Koschei. This reaction was painful but understandable. Koschei had heard he got in trouble for the fire, that he was about to be expelled and that Braxiatel had to move mountains to make sure he could still take his exams. He had one last chance. And knowing Theta, he was going to screw it if no one helped him.

- Thete... you've been avoiding me for ages. I know it's because of Torvic. And then you came back and I was glad because you're my friend and I... I care about you. And then you flew away again. You didn't even let me explain. Why ?

- Because I was not eager to hear you say how much you despised me, he replied in a bitter voice. If anyone's opinion matters to me, it's yours.

He said that so simply, as if it was obvious, but Koschei felt his stomach sink to his feet at maximum speed. Did he realize how much these words meant ?

- I don't despise you.

- Then you're an imbecile. I'm a mess. I'm the kid who cannot even reply to a single question in a test because he simply doesn't care. I'm the kid who hands back doodles instead of proper examination sheets. I'm the kid who does everything that's forbidden and disgusting just for the sake of experiment. And you... well, you're the perfect little Time Lord to be.

- I'm not that perfect. And I don't think you're as messed up as you pretend to be. I mean, you're clever. You could ace these classes in a blink if you just tried.

- Why would I ? I don't care about becoming a Time Lord. I'd be perfectly happy if I could be just the boy next door. But I can't. And, you know, I still plan to leave. There is nothing for me here. No one that would regret me.

- I would.

Theta huffed and a bitter smile tore his face apart. He got up and caught his day clothes, slipping them over his head with an obvious sense of discomfort. Somehow, what he said made sense : there was nothing for him here. He didn't belong to Gallifrey, to this place where everything was coded, written in books and codes, where rules applied to everything, even the way they breathed. Theta was the kind of person that could be controlled, yes, that could bend to rules if he had no other choice, but who would slowly fade and fane under this oppressing weight. Koschei didn't want him to leave, never, that was a certainty – he didn't want to see him disappear under an armour of ice either.

- You know, Kos... This is all well and nice but I don't know if I can forgive you. Or trust you again. The thing is... I'm used to being abused. I'm used to friends who are only my friends because they can get something out of me. Most of the time, it's not even out of some kind of mean spirit or despise or hate, it's just easy for them and I look the part. It's probably my fault. I should perhaps refuse to let them walk over me like they do – and with a smile and words of kindness in most cases. But I don't have many friends and I don't want to end up alone. Since the Deca began, I have people with whom I can chat and laugh, something I never dreamt of. And I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose them, even those who don't treat me very well. Unfortunately, I find myself loving them, accepting the worst parts as well as the best ones, enjoying their presence and feeling full of love everytime we talk. But there's a difference between what I can handle from them and what I can handle from you. The difference is that I will never, ever trust Magnus, or Ushas, or Millennia, or Drax, or any of them. They're my friends, I love them, I would give my life for them, but I know they would never do the same for me and that's fine. You, on the other hand... You, I trusted you. I thought that if there was one person in the whole universe that would never treat me like that, it would be you. And it was comforting, it helped a lot going through the rest – not that « the rest » was so dreadful but, you know. So, this thing you said... it was not that bad and from anyone else, I would just have shrugged it aside and smiled and accepted it. But that you, of all people, would let me take all the blame for something _you _did, for something that was _your _plan, because you don't want people to think we're dating ? It's just – is it too much to ask to have one person I can trust ?

Koschei found himself quite flabbergasted by this speech. He didn't know. He didn't know how Theta lived everyday and that made him feel sick. True, this speech was more words than his friends had spoken to him in ages, but realizing that he had overlooked so many things was horrible. And, of course, he felt even worse for what happened that night. He never wanted Theta to take all the blame, he never wanted this to happen, but he was clumsy and a bit of a coward and couldn't gather the strength to say what was really on his mind. He didn't care about his image or what people would think of him. He cared about the fact that Theta would probably never be left in peace by many people if such a thing were to happen, first and foremost teachers, who would consider him to be a bad influence and would do everything to keep them apart, even if their relationship was completely fictional.

However, saying this bluntly – well, it would take some courage that he didn't have. Words were never his strong point, not when they were spoken, not when they meant something.

Following a stupid impulse, he held his hand up, inviting Theta to take it. They were contact telepaths, they could communicate thoughts and feelings to each other when they touched, and offering another future Time Lord any kind of physical contact was something intimate and personal that was not supposed to happen with just anyone. In all his life, Koschei had never touched anyone aside from Ushas, which was a disgusting experience. His parents were not the cuddly type, even according to Gallifreyan standards, and they did their best to avoid touching him. He remembered catching Theta's hand in the forest, back when they still were running in this dark sanctuary, but that was different. Neither of them was really good at mind games back then.

Things had changed. Koschei became a hypnotist and a good one, able to put someone under his control with a snap of his finger, and suddenly he remembered that Theta would always come by and erase his suggestions afterwards, even when they were avoiding each other.

He thought for a moment that his friend would turn him down and refuse to touch him but after a few moments of hesitation, Theta smiled and entwined his fingers with his.


	10. Chapter 10 - The Signet Ring

_As we reach ten chapters, I feel like I have to say something. You know, to stop being "that author who never talks to their readers"._

_So first all, THANKS A LOT to all of those who followed This is Gallifrey so far. More than 500 views, I'm really flabbergasted, flattered and happy. I hope you enjoy this little piece of writing, despite the english mistakes (not a native speaker haha) and the liberty taken in regard of canon. It's always pleasant to hear your comments, to see that you're here reading my work, and I couldn't be grateful enough._

_I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and once again, thank you for being here !_

For the first time in a long time, he handed his copy to the teacher with a smile that did not show any sign of mockery. In a few months, when those exams would be marked, Borusa's twenty-six students would be allowed to be considered as Junior Time Lords and given their symbiotic nuclei that would allow them to travel through time safely and to see the whole fabric of time as pure mathematics. They would finally be able to regenerate. Theta honestly wondered why a whole part of their body would only be granted them after years and decades of class but for once, he did not rant out loud.

Drax and Mortimus had agreed that he was more smiling than ever and that his showing up at almost every reunion of the Deca was quite unusual – besides, he did try to pay attention to Koschei's explanation most of the time, and he kept on smiling when he was being yelled at instead of barking back. The atmosphere was getting a lot less tense and everyone was glad about that, except Ushas, obviously. She spent most of her days pouting like a child, which did not seem to affect anyone.

The most common supposition was that Theta had fallen in love and was so intoxicated that he could not help but smile like an idiot most of the time – and as a result, the rumors of his relationship with Koschei had faded, which amused him to the highest extent. No one could picture him and his friend being a happy couple.

They were not a couple. That was a little bit more complicated. But when Theta slipped his hand inside Koschei's, he felt something totally different from what he had expected – friendship, respect, a form of pure desire that had little to do with carnal instincts, a childish craving for his smile. And since then, he had almost never stopped smiling. Obviously, they were back to being friends, but they did not need words to know it was a little more than that.

When Theta went to bed, he waited for the four knocks on his door and the silhouette of his friend sliding in his bedroom, the warmth of his body when they snuggled together, the reassuring feeling of his hand that messed with his hair. Nothing more ever happened, not even a kiss, and for Theta, it could be difficult from time to time, but he knew he should not force his luck. He had something he thought he would never know – a friendship, so beautiful it hurt, and the certainty Koschei would always be here.

Sometimes, when their minds were linked, he could hear a beat of four in the depths of Koschei's mind but deemed it as some kind of hallucination, or perhaps the echo of their heartbeats. His friend did not look distressed about it so he simply decided to forget it was even here.

Almost every night, they shared their dreams. And if the first nights were quite difficult, as their two universes had a lot of trouble colliding, they finally found a way to make it work. Koschei's violence and Theta's desire of freedom met in incredible adventures around the world, always more dangerous, always more fun. Somewhere in his heart, Theta knew there would be another way for them to reconcile their hearts' desire, but then again Koschei was a proper Gallifreyan and he would never indulge such a thing.

It was tempting, sometimes, to simply draw him in a kiss, to bite his lips, to taste his tongue, to feel his skin, but he never crossed the line and every time these thoughts came through his mind, he locked them away, far from Koschei's eyes. He did not want him to run away, scared of these unholy desires.

Getting to sleep in Koschei's arms gave him the strength to work a little harder. He did not want to become a Time Lord, that was true, but to accomplish his purpose, he had to get the nuclei. Without Rassilon Imprimatur, he could never fly a TT capsule, and that was his greatest wish. Well, that, and get Koschei to kiss him, but only one of those dreams could actually become real.

He knew he would pass those exams. Probably not with a high grade, but that didn't matter. Soon, he would be able to fly away.

When he heard a knock on his door that night, he knew right away it was not Koschei. Koschei always knocked four times and the intruder only knocked twice. Mumbling a few swearings, he got up, tried to make his hair look decent and opened the door, already certain of who he was going to find behind.

His half-long brown hair was tied on his neck and he was staring at everything above his half-moon spectacles. As always, he looked as serious as a tombstone and almost as gleeful. Wincing, Theta let him in, hoping this would not take too long. He wanted Koschei to come over, he wanted to snuggle with him, he wanted to just be alone with him, and that intruder was probably the last person in the universe he wanted in his bedroom.

The visitor didn't wait for an invitation and sat on the chair, offering Theta to sit on the bed. He obeyed, though the idea of being commanded in his own bedroom did not please him – at least not in that way and certainly not by this man. The mere thought of it was completely disgusting.

- I heard your grades have improved, the visitor whispered as a greeting. That _is _a good start. We were starting to think you were a lost cause.

- Pleased to see you too, brother, Theta grumbled in reply.

For once, Braxiatel didn't make any comment on his brother's behaviour and simply adjusted his glasses on his nose, his lips pinched.

- I did not come here to have a brother talk, he stated.

- What a surprise.

- I am leaving Gallifrey for a while.

- And you came to say goodbye ? How sweet of you, though completely impossible. What do you want, Brax ?

Braxiatel sighed, visibly exhausted by his brother, and pulled a little box out of his robes. That finally caught Theta's curiosity and he stared at it, wondering what it might be. His brother was all for secrecy and games, he never did or said anything straight, and it was just a matter of cunning and intelligence that Theta knew exactly what Braxiatel was doing with his life. After acing all his tests, he left the Academy to become an unofficial ambassador of Gallifrey. Seeing him leave for the first time had been terribly painful for Theta but not because he would miss his brother – rather because he envied him.

- I want you to have this. You will soon be a grown man, you will need to make your way into the world.

Trying hard not to sigh at these stupid words, Theta took the box and opened it, half surprised to find a big blue stone set in a silver ring inside it. A jewel ? That was really weird.

- Trying hard not to see any weird meaning in that, he muttered.

- This is a signet ring. It can protect you from electrical shock, facilitate hypnotism, control lower species, and well... it helps opening TT capsules.

The last one sent a shock through Theta's spine and he stared at his brother, astonished by the meaning of this gift. Brax knew. Brax knew all about his plans and not only did he approve of them, he was helping him. Before he could say anything, his brother had gotten up and was walking to the door. Trying to hold him back was useless, he would leave if he wanted to and there was no force in the universe that could make him stay for another minute he was used to doing just anything he wanted. His job, however unofficial it was, had made him accustomed to being his own master.

- Speaking of which, said Braxiatel as if he had heard his brother's thoughts. You should be careful about the friends you choose. We all know Ushas is dangerous but the most venomous snake might not be the one you expect.

And just like that, he left, closing the door and leaving a very troubled Theta behind him.


	11. Chapter 11 - The Intervention

Koschei was speaking with Ushas and surprisingly, the discussion seemed to go well. They were in the library, which of course made screaming and yelling at each other impossible, but it was not just that – Theta even caught a slight smile on Ushas' face. He knew how silly this unpleasant feeling in his gut was. He knew that he had absolutely no right to be jealous, it was not like Koschei and him were dating. Not at all. Sleeping in the same bed and snuggling was not dating, as far as Theta knew, and neither was his friend's hand messing with his hair or the massages that he gave Koschei when he was under a lot of pressure. This was friendship, nothing more. Ambiguous, maybe, but nothing more.

His pen broke under his fingers and he sighed, snapped back into reality by the sound. In the silence of the library, it seemed loud as thunder and that was exactly what he needed to stop staring at Koschei and Ushas. _They _were dating. This was what dating looked like. Not that he would know a lot about it, he was more into affairs that didn't involve any kind of friendly relationship, let alone romantic ones, but he could still see how different the situations were. Braxiatel was right after all, he should have had chosen his friends more carefully, or better yet, not have had friends at all. It was more hurtful than pleasant in the end.

He sighed and tried to focus on his homework again. Since Koschei had started working with him and him alone, his results tended to be better and he kind of enjoyed it. It was amusing to see the sheer surprise on his teachers's faces when he handed an exam sheet that wasn't covered in silly doodles and bits of poetry and even more when they handed the copy back, shocked and a bit uncomfortable at the sight of an actual good grade. They still kept saying that their friendship was a bad idea and that he would be a bad influence on his friend but the results were quite different. So far, Koschei only made him better.

And terribly bitter.

Suddenly, all the sheets he had spread in front of him flew away as Drax sat beside him, a wide smile on his face. He was about to rant and ask him to go away when Mortimus took the seat in front of him, clasped his homework and put it aside. Apparently, these two weren't decided to let him work. They were not much more interested in homework than he was : Drax was a clever guy, very good with everything mechanical, but completely unable to grasp anything theoretical as for Mortimus, though he had high ambitions and intended to work for the CIA, he was too lazy to actually work towards his goals. He was bright enough to achieve good grades despite his lack of motivation but working on a regular pattern was definitely not his thing.

- What can I do for you, my friends ? Asked Theta carefully, trying to get his notes back from Mortimus.

- We want to talk to you, chuckled the latter, putting the sheets away in his own bag. You seem to need a good talk.

Theta rolled his eyes and sighed. No way he could escape Mort and Drax when they were in the mood for talking and knowing them, the talking could take hours. He was glad to have a good excuse not to work but he would have preferred this excuse to be... well, Koschei. Though Koschei would probably have made him work anyway.

- And what do you want to talk about, hm ? The weather is nice, there's nothing much to say about it. Yes, I will gladly help you with your homework, though I am definitely not the best person to ask this. No, I am not aware of any new gossip. What could you possibly want to talk about, hm ?

- Well, gossip is the word, smiled Drax. It seems that you're spending an enormous amount of time with Koschei lately. And we heard that you too were sleeping together.

Now, Theta was not one to blush, but the situation certainly made him reconsider his stance on such displays of emotions. How on sanity's name did they know _that _? As far as he knew, Koschei and him had been as discrete as possible, for a dozen of different reasons that all converged towards the fact that it would be dreadful for them to be noticed.

- Sleeping together ? That's nonsense, my dear friends. Ushas would never allow that, chuckled Theta, leaning against the back of his chair.

- Well, her and Koschei are not together anymore, but that's another subject, replied Mortimus. The fact is – you're always together, you two. Late at night in the library. What are you doing ?

- Working. You know, that thing you do to actually pass your exams ? I failed the first session, Koschei is helping me to pass the next one.

Theta hung a fake smile on his face, looking pretty glad with himself. In truth, he was doing his very best to hide the strange feeling that the news of his friends's break-up had stirred in him – a feeling that was strangely close to hope and joy.

Unfortunately, neither Drax nor Mortimus seemed to buy his lie. His reputation of never working, not even if his life depended on it, played against him once again. They overlooked the fact that he always _did _want to pass, to get his symbiotic nucleus and be able to fly a ship far away from Gallifrey. After that, well, everything could go to waste grades-wise for as much as he cared, as long as he could get that little DNA modification that would change his life.

- You're not working. If you were working, you wouldn't need to be alone in the library, said Drax with a cheerful face. I think you're lying.

- Yes, that thought of yours was rather obvious, thank you. Well, fine. The truth is...

Theta jumped as a hand on his shoulder interrupted him mid-sentence. He hadn't felt or heard Koschei approaching, which was a good indicator of how disturbed he was by this whole situation. The physical contact lasted for less than a second and was hopefully invisible to the two others but it was long enough for his friend to send him an invitation to meet that night. He stared at Koschei as he left the library, looking unusually happy with himself. Humpf. That was everything but good.

- The truth is, we have a band. It's called the _Hot Five_. We were practicing songs.

That was the first lie that crossed his mind and yet, for some strange reason, Drax and Mortimus seemed to believe it more than they believed that he was actually working, which was not really pleasant.

- A band ? And you didn't invite us ? I'm shocked, Theet. Really shocked. I thought we were friends, whined Drax. Besides, if it's called the _Hot Five_, you should be five, not two.

- Well... We're... We're actually trying to find other people. But so far, nobody wants to join. They say it's too... political.

- You should ask Magnus, grinned Mortimus. If it's political, it's his thing.

_Sure. I'm going to ask the guy with whom I've been flirting and so on for ages to join a fictional band that is actually a cover story for my trying to get in Koschei's pants and hearts. What an excellent idea, _was what Theta wanted to reply. Instead, his fake smile widened and he even gathered the courage to chuckle.

- Can you picture Magnus doing something that could actually be fun ? Because I really can't. He is far too busy trying to become some kind of rich and powerful Time Lord who can make us all kneel before him.

He was certainly not going to mention the fact that Magnus already got that from him.

- And besides, he can't play anything. Neither can you, as far as I know.

- What do you play, Theet ? And Koschei ?

- I'm... lead perigosto. And Koschei plays the drums.

For some reason, Koschei playing drums sounded particularly obvious, though he had absolutely no idea how to play perigosto himself.

- Sounds cool, said Drax with a cheerful smile. When are you meeting next ? We'd like to join.


End file.
